Computer Terms in the State of Maine

Computer Terms in the State of Maine

* Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.
* Log off - Don't add no more wood.
* Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.
* Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.
* Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
* Ram - The thing that split that firewood.
* Hard drive - Getting home in the winta.
* Prompt - What the mail ain't during the winta.
* Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.
* Screen - What to shut during black fly season.
* Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.
* Byte - What the black flies do.
* Bit - What the black flies did.
* Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.
* Chip - Munchies for TV.
* Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
* Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.
* Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.
* Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.
* Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.
* Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.
* Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.
* Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.
* Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.
* Web - What a spida makes.
* Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.
* Cursor - Someone who swears.
* Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.
* Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.
* Upgrade - Steep hill.
* Server - Waitress.
* Mail server - Male waitress, dang few in Maine.
* Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.
* User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.
* Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.
* Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.
* Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.
* Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.
* Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.
* Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.